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01-06-2008, 05:55 AM
|  | April 1 - WrestleMania 23 Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,805
| | | Tonic
Please please tell me what you think, I want as much feedback as possible. Sitting here, thinking, wondering, wishing of you
Needing you as a rescue, to help me escape this downward spiral
For me there’s only one tonic that would work, you
If I had you it wouldn’t seem so bad, so lonely and sad
I’d just have to look at you and know
Just look, then I’d know I could get through
I could easily turn to other ways out
I could drink myself to complete destruction, would that work?
I could just run away, escape my broken dreams
Then there’s the more deadly option
I’d be lying to say it hadn’t entered the brain
What would I gain from taking such a deadly risk?
Would I be in a better place? No living person can answer that
If I took that option it would be the ultimate gamble
Should I gamble my life based on the truth of a myth?
In a way you’ve saved my life
Because if I’d have never met you I may have took that gamble
When I’m at rock bottom and feel I can’t go on, I just have to think of you
Just think of you, then I know I have to go on.  |
01-07-2008, 05:55 AM
| | April 1 - WrestleMania 23 Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,805
| | | Some feedback please. |
01-12-2008, 06:04 AM
|  | Moderator Moderator | | Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: dramaville
Posts: 3,740
| | | ok im being objective:
imaginary was extremely good, i coulkd just feel your pain and confusion by reading it, the emotion you've put in it was good, and i can kinda put myself into your shoes. The voc you used was good, but when you say there in the beginning "you" u might could have used "my precious star'' or smt in that genre, to make it obvious u in love
but overal very good
keep writing!!
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01-14-2008, 06:05 AM
| | April 1 - WrestleMania 23 Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,805
| | | Thanks so much Dana, that's a much appreciated comment. |
02-04-2008, 05:11 AM
|  | Moderator Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: outta this world..
Posts: 3,668
| | | its a good poem, its different to other things that i usually read and i like the idea of the person metaphorically being your tonic. Nice poem, really nice, its great to hear you write something soo deep. Keep on writing, you have potential.
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02-04-2008, 09:15 AM
|  | Senior Member Member | | Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 975
| | | Nice Work. Loved It.
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02-17-2008, 01:18 AM
|  | *B.M.B'S*FIRE* Moderator | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ask and i'll tell
Posts: 1,093
| | | I love it, im feelin this poem deeply. Nice work. |
02-28-2008, 06:06 AM
| | April 1 - WrestleMania 23 Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,805
| | | Thanks ladies, much appreciated. |
03-10-2008, 03:46 PM
|  | Senior Member Member | | Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: U wouldn't find it
Posts: 554
| | i simply love it! it's nice to see a guy writtin' such a deep poem... thank God there r guys like u that know to express their feeling...
SIMPLY DA BEST! 
__________________ ...Fallen Devil... |
03-13-2008, 11:44 AM
| | April 1 - WrestleMania 23 Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,805
| | | Thanks Missy. | | |
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